What would you say to a man

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timberandtwigs2001	What would you say to a man	Lead	[-]
Posts: 2062 (12/14/08 05:27:14) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Tags : None My friend has been dating a man and they have been intimate. After her divorce she was slow to get back out there to date. Well, she met this guy who asked her out as he was in town every couple of weeks on buisness. They went to dinner and hit it off and I think she liked the idea that with him living out of town, it wouldn't become too intense. They went on some dates and got along well. It came to sex and she was flattened. She said as she anticipaed things headed that way, she could only imagine that "his private parts", would be proportional, they weren't. She said she knew she would never be happy sexually right away and made up an excuse to stop seeing him. Since the breakup came so close to their first sexual encounter, he isn't buying the excuse. It has sort of come to him begging her to overlook her excuses and she would rather tell him anything but the truth. she feels he has certainly run into issues over this before. She said that he must be aware because he tried over compensating which made it worse. The excuse she gave him was that she wasn't ready for things to be that involved and she wasn't ready for an exclusive sexual relationship. He has concluded that she is just scared of a relationship. I told her I would just tell him I am bisexual and scare him off. If truth is best, could it ever be right to tell a man he is not wel enough endowed? As he insists on the real reason, I can't see destroying him. What would you tell him?
bikehigh		#1	[-]
Posts: 3749 (12/14/08 07:27:38) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Nothing. She's told him all he needs to know, that she doesn't want to continue the relationship. Just because they've had sex, doesn't mean he's entitled to badger her endlessly. The way it works when you date is, you go out a few times, you have sex, you do fun things together, and you either enjoy that person enough to continue a relationship, or you break up. It's not like they were in love or had anything invested in each other. All he needs to know is that the relationship is over, and that's what I would tell him if I were her.
ChristinaSteinorthMFT		#2	[-]
Posts: 2973 (12/14/08 10:36:42) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	I agree with Bike. To me, the bigger issue (no pun intended) is that he can't seem to just let it go...
Sienna1972	Let him figure it out for himself.	#3	[-]
Posts: 89 (12/14/08 14:26:41) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	No good could come of her telling him he isn't well-endowed enough because all it would do is cause him to feel self-conscious in the future. If they'd been in a serious relationship then she'd owe him a little more explanation. But since this was pretty much a fling she's probably glossing it over in just the right way. And if she just ignores him completely he'll move on. I found when I dated that when men were clingy, if I tried to give explanations as to why the relationship couldn't work it tended to cause them to give reasons why it could. It made them think if they could just come up with the right answer we could be together. She needs to let him know she's completely disinterested.
Sandytoo		#4	[-]
Posts: 1872 (12/14/08 18:20:55) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	I would probably done the same thing....just made up an excuse. However, as you said, this guy knows full well that his attributes are not quite up to par, so to speak. Why he would want someone to embarrass both him AND the other party by revealing the truth? He sounds a little TOO needy and I have a feeling this is not the FIRST time this may have happened to him. However, if he starts to make a pest of himself, I would have her tell him the truth....unfortunately, it might be the only thing to get him off her back.
timberandtwigs2001		#5	[-]
Posts: 2063 (12/15/08 04:15:05) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	I agree with all of you. I did laugh when she told me this story. How depressing to have her first sexual encounter after her divorce turn out to be a dud. I tried to remind her that there will be some very pleasant suprises out there too.
FrustratedHoneyBee		#6	[-]
Posts: 924 (12/15/08 06:34:42) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Enough said, really. I would never tell a man that he was not well enough endowed, or that he is bad in bed or anything of the sort. While all men are not well endowed, so to speak, sex can still be great if you are willing to explore other options. I just chalk it up to not being compatible in bed. It has gone both ways for me. I have had sexual relations with someone extremely well endowed who was very incompatible with me, compared to someone of a smaller size. Size is not everything when it comes to sex. But again, I agree. You need not offer him any more excuses other than you do not want to continue the relationship. Very well said everyone before me. FHB
BBgirll		#7	[-]
Posts: 364 (12/15/08 08:06:24) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	I wouldnt tell either. Trust me, some other women will have the ''balls'' to tell him but it wouldnt be me..She made up an excuse, didnt hurt his feelings, whether or not he bites is another thing. What a disappointment to be all hot and bothered and to have such a rude awakening...
wolfsteven	Leave it at excuse	#8	[-]
Posts: 1233 (12/18/08 05:34:06) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	No need to get into details. Things like that are important to some women and not to others. As another poster said, why ruin the guys self-esteem for someone he may meet where size isn't important. True story: A friend of mine dated a girl. She was cute, but she was pretty thin. Still she seemed to have be fairly well-endowed for a girl of her size. As things progressed and things went further and further he found out that she wore a padded bra. He was completely turned off by her topless because, and I quote, "she looked like a little boy". He already knew she didn't have much of a behind, something that he thought he could overlook. (It didn't help that she kept her hair very short.) In the end he broke up with her with an excuse that he was not wanting to get into a relationship. That was much better than "your body is a complete turn off to me". I think we can all see why, in situations like these, it is better to let a person down easy. Whether it is weight, lack of endowment (men or women), etc, no need to ruin the person for someone that might come along without the "requirements" that we have.
Sandytoo		#9	[-]
Posts: 1882 (12/18/08 19:16:04) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	I agree in principle, Wolf....however, T said... .....he isn't buying the excuse. It has sort of come to him begging her, to overlook her excuses and she would rather tell him anything but the truth. she feels he has certainly run into issues over this before. She said that he must be aware because he tried over compensating which made it worse. Sounds to me like the guy already KNOWS the truth but is so desperate that he is trying whatever he can to pretend otherwise. Letting him down easy isnt working.
wolfsteven	Then how about.......	#10	[-]
Posts: 1234 (12/19/08 05:59:57) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	....... "Your neediness and begging is making you even less attractive, and therefore is actually causing the exact opposite of what you are trying to achieve"??
wolfsteven		#11	[-]
Posts: 1235 (01/21/09 07:22:04) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	So did Mr. Small ever take the hint?
timberandtwigs2001	what happend is this	#12	[-]
Posts: 2069 (01/23/09 04:34:41) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	She told him that she was freshly out of the gate from divorce and didn't feel it would be fair to anyone, her, her ex or him, for her to become involved in such a serious relationship so soon after her divorce. She had dated and explored her new singlehood but in reality, the pain and heartache of her divorce and in tribute to the good parts of her marriage, she felt it was somewhat disrespectful to everyone involved to jump right into a new relastionship. She told him that there were actually many facets of life she wanted to explore and a serious relationship would put too much a focus on one part. These things were all true and she said that maybe his small penis size was a blessing, because if he had been a dynamo bed, it may have shifted her thinking into something that would have ultimately taken her on the wrong path. She said she will walk more causiously in her singlehood. She also said that she is rapidly realizing that if someone is single in their 40's, there may be a reason. Dating at that age does come when people have a whole new set of interests, wants and needs from a partner. She feels that she shouldn't settle for somone who meets even less expectations that her husband did.
Sandytoo		#13	[-]
Posts: 1886 (01/23/09 20:24:51) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Your friend is very diplomatic A man who was never married and in his 40's was always a HUGE red flag for me when I was dating. And, as it turns out, I never had more than one date with any of them.
timberandtwigs2001		#14	[-]
Posts: 2070 (01/24/09 04:39:44) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	She admitted that when she was actually going through the divorce she worried that no one would ask her out. When this guy pursued her she was nervous but flattered. Someone actually just walked up and asked her out. She didn't have to go through all the things she anticipated and dreaded that she was fairly sure she'd have to endure to gain the interest of a man. I know when I dated, the nicest guys seemed to come along when I wasnt looking for one. I remember dry spells and the minute I got one date, suddenly when it rained it poured men. Choices followed by honeymoons and drama and dry spells all over again. I did tell her that the things I would find attractive at my age are different than the what I found attractive at 20 or 30. Being pursued can be fun and flattering. Being pursued can also be creepy. Dating seems less important to me at this age, I don't need to be with someone to have a good time, having a man in my life is not what defines me. Not having a man is no measurement. I think sometimes people try to make things work no matter what, even when the red flags are beating them in the forehead. In this world where we now have issues instead of problems, we have been groomed to believe that if it can't be fixed, it is because we are lacking the contemporary mind set. We aren't willing to have therapy for each relationship. I do like the good old horse sense that not every relationship has to work. We don't have to explain it until someone understands it. We have to explain it to ourselves and move on. Lord knows how many times you have to understand that a guy just isn't that into you, it isn't complicated. We have to come to the point where we are equally comfortable to kindly tell a man that, "I'm just not that into you".

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