Some of you may remember me(special hi to TimberandTwigs and bikehigh). I think when I posted before it was under jrjr2. I have long since lost access to that
email and decided just to enable this one.
I gave a many paged essay on how i wanted a gal that was my friend for quite sometime.Married a different gal and divorced and then as i started posting here i was in the middle of the battle to deal with that relationship and another that i was considering.
I chose that which i considered. Even though she has 3 kids at the time 11, 12 and 14. Now it has been five years and they are 16 17 and 19. And myself and my soon to be X are both 39.
I fought through things after the first two years of the five we were married.
I took her kids in as my own. Gave all bonuses to making sure they had a great christmas each year and trips to california and concerts happened at least 2-3 times a year for the first 3 years.
At almost the 3 year point the 2 girls were getting older and it was obvious they needed their own rooms. I said we could refinance and put another room on the house and in truth this is where the problems began. $24000 got put into our joint bank account with the refinance. The wife got inbetween jobs shortly after this and i told her to go ahead and keep hunting we would be fine. Got down to $22000 as she used the funds to keep up her part of the bills and I said we were fine and eventually she got work after about four months.
We got a good sized tax return at this point and she put half of it towards untying her tubes to try to have a child for me, since i have none of my own. While i completely appreciate her attempt to do so, after two miscarriages from it and a lot of fertility attempts i was completely null and void to any further attempts.
Months passed and we finally got the plans made out for the room. Account was down to $17k and she had started getting credit cards at a wide variety of stores.
I warned her about the cards. Saw her take out a high interest loan for 3 grand to try to have the 20k available for the room and I took all the cash out of my car to take that 3k out and buy her oldest step daughter a car for 3 grand.... and another 2grand to pay off the loan for the AC i put on our home.
Room got built. Daughter got her car. Another month or two passed and i noticed (i worked nights at this time and did not see what was transpiring during the day) she had been doing some fixes to the house and that was fine. I warned her about spending too much and felt confident she understood.
Five more months passed and she came to me saying interest was starting to make it so she could not afford the bills. I took over electric completely that summer since those bills sometimes ran into the 380-400 area per month and figured she could pull out with that.
Another month passed and she was buried. $20,000 in credit card bill interest was slaughtering her paycheck and I said we've got to refinance it. So we did. I took all her cards out back and burned them into a unrecognizable heap of plastic. Another 3 months passed..
Walmart got up to 3 grand again... several other clothes cards were going up again and i came up her talking about it. She said she had to go to the store because the youngest girl didnt have underware. I held up the credit report and said... you've got five thousand dollars on clothes cards and the kids don't have underware???????????????????????
Then it came out she was buying stuff for relatives in mexico and I felt lost.
Totally loved her. Loved the kids until a point. But it started falling apart.
I say to a point because shortly after the third and last credit card problem discovery... I made an attempt to verify to her that we needed to work on her son who was not trying in school and failing and did not want to work at 17. She blew it off for a while and then started letting him drive her car with no insurance with his 2-3 friends in it.
It was this point that i broke. I had given everything i could and she was still willing to risk our future so her child who was not trying in school or work could drive a car he did not deserve.
Trust me in that i loved the kid.... and both his sisters but i felt my respect had been destroyed.
The only yelling argument we had in the five years together happened right near the end... six months ago. I yelled at her then the kids for right around 20 seconds. The kids came into the room while i was yelling at her for pulling some odd attitude with me for trying to talk to her about some way to motivate her son to do something with himself other than play playstation on the TV i bought the family.
So Dec 10th i packed my stuff and picked up while they were all sleeping. She woke up and said 'so you're leaving' and i said yes because i cant trust you with money or the future anymore. She said marriage was not about material things as she walked towards the living room. She then noticed I'd packed the wide screen TV and she turned around upset about it saying I would probably take the extra room we had built on if i could. I momentarily thought well.. truthfully i should take the car we used the money out of my car to buy for your daughter but no... that's not me.
So i've taken things slowly. Helped financially a few times as i break ties and just filed the divorce papers after being alone in this apartment the past six weeks. Tonight I went to a party at a bar that work had made plans on meeting at and while I had several opportunities (in truth well over a dozen with various women at work with a 90% women ratio there) i just could not do anything.
I've been doing the gym and i'm starting up college again on the 9th of feb to finish my degree and i feel good about that.
I don't feel good about leaving her, i miss her fairly consistently. I probably should slap myself but in general i'm really a nice easy to run over guy and probably just need a virtual slap in the head.
I gave a many paged essay on how i wanted a gal that was my friend for quite sometime.Married a different gal and divorced and then as i started posting here i was in the middle of the battle to deal with that relationship and another that i was considering.
I chose that which i considered. Even though she has 3 kids at the time 11, 12 and 14. Now it has been five years and they are 16 17 and 19. And myself and my soon to be X are both 39.
I fought through things after the first two years of the five we were married.
I took her kids in as my own. Gave all bonuses to making sure they had a great christmas each year and trips to california and concerts happened at least 2-3 times a year for the first 3 years.
At almost the 3 year point the 2 girls were getting older and it was obvious they needed their own rooms. I said we could refinance and put another room on the house and in truth this is where the problems began. $24000 got put into our joint bank account with the refinance. The wife got inbetween jobs shortly after this and i told her to go ahead and keep hunting we would be fine. Got down to $22000 as she used the funds to keep up her part of the bills and I said we were fine and eventually she got work after about four months.
We got a good sized tax return at this point and she put half of it towards untying her tubes to try to have a child for me, since i have none of my own. While i completely appreciate her attempt to do so, after two miscarriages from it and a lot of fertility attempts i was completely null and void to any further attempts.
Months passed and we finally got the plans made out for the room. Account was down to $17k and she had started getting credit cards at a wide variety of stores.
I warned her about the cards. Saw her take out a high interest loan for 3 grand to try to have the 20k available for the room and I took all the cash out of my car to take that 3k out and buy her oldest step daughter a car for 3 grand.... and another 2grand to pay off the loan for the AC i put on our home.
Room got built. Daughter got her car. Another month or two passed and i noticed (i worked nights at this time and did not see what was transpiring during the day) she had been doing some fixes to the house and that was fine. I warned her about spending too much and felt confident she understood.
Five more months passed and she came to me saying interest was starting to make it so she could not afford the bills. I took over electric completely that summer since those bills sometimes ran into the 380-400 area per month and figured she could pull out with that.
Another month passed and she was buried. $20,000 in credit card bill interest was slaughtering her paycheck and I said we've got to refinance it. So we did. I took all her cards out back and burned them into a unrecognizable heap of plastic. Another 3 months passed..
Walmart got up to 3 grand again... several other clothes cards were going up again and i came up her talking about it. She said she had to go to the store because the youngest girl didnt have underware. I held up the credit report and said... you've got five thousand dollars on clothes cards and the kids don't have underware???????????????????????
Then it came out she was buying stuff for relatives in mexico and I felt lost.
Totally loved her. Loved the kids until a point. But it started falling apart.
I say to a point because shortly after the third and last credit card problem discovery... I made an attempt to verify to her that we needed to work on her son who was not trying in school and failing and did not want to work at 17. She blew it off for a while and then started letting him drive her car with no insurance with his 2-3 friends in it.
It was this point that i broke. I had given everything i could and she was still willing to risk our future so her child who was not trying in school or work could drive a car he did not deserve.
Trust me in that i loved the kid.... and both his sisters but i felt my respect had been destroyed.
The only yelling argument we had in the five years together happened right near the end... six months ago. I yelled at her then the kids for right around 20 seconds. The kids came into the room while i was yelling at her for pulling some odd attitude with me for trying to talk to her about some way to motivate her son to do something with himself other than play playstation on the TV i bought the family.
So Dec 10th i packed my stuff and picked up while they were all sleeping. She woke up and said 'so you're leaving' and i said yes because i cant trust you with money or the future anymore. She said marriage was not about material things as she walked towards the living room. She then noticed I'd packed the wide screen TV and she turned around upset about it saying I would probably take the extra room we had built on if i could. I momentarily thought well.. truthfully i should take the car we used the money out of my car to buy for your daughter but no... that's not me.
So i've taken things slowly. Helped financially a few times as i break ties and just filed the divorce papers after being alone in this apartment the past six weeks. Tonight I went to a party at a bar that work had made plans on meeting at and while I had several opportunities (in truth well over a dozen with various women at work with a 90% women ratio there) i just could not do anything.
I've been doing the gym and i'm starting up college again on the 9th of feb to finish my degree and i feel good about that.
I don't feel good about leaving her, i miss her fairly consistently. I probably should slap myself but in general i'm really a nice easy to run over guy and probably just need a virtual slap in the head.
